


Falling apart, like it's just nothing

by pvrcq



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: !!!, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Gratuitous use of italics, Hurt, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt No Comfort, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith (Voltron)-centric, NEways, Naxzela (Voltron), POV Keith (Voltron), Pain, also slight suicidal thoughts ??, angst fest, cri, everyone else is mentioned - Freeform, haha im at it again, idek how to explain it like we all remember naxzela right, if this makes u sad please tell me, implied bullying ??, no beta we die like men, tears go brrr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:48:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27134104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pvrcq/pseuds/pvrcq
Summary: Too brash, hot-heated, impulsive, reckless to be the leader they wanted— needed him to be.Why would they ever want him?No one else did.He didn’t expect them to be any different.They just used him, for there was no other option.
Relationships: Allura & Keith (Voltron), Keith & Lance (Voltron), Keith & Shiro (Voltron), Keith & The Blade of Marmora, Keith & Voltron Paladins
Comments: 10
Kudos: 82





	Falling apart, like it's just nothing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [akiraswaffles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/akiraswaffles/gifts).



> hii uhm, have more keith angst i guess because thats always?? good?? not good?? chile um neways enjoy this —or not!
> 
> happy keithtober muah
> 
> also this is inspired by sof's (@akiraswaffles) fic which is also keith angst, its called 'but I know I'd miss you (if I left right now)' —so check that out after you read this !!

Leaving Voltron was in fact  _ not _ the hardest thing Keith had ever done. 

He knew they didn’t need him anymore, not really. He wasn’t a good leader, never had been. He didn’t like the spotlight, nor was he good at staying. 

Shiro had always been there, their pillar, their support, their  _ strength _ .

Keith was just the loner.

And now that Shiro had reformed his connection with the Black Lion, Voltron was complete. 

Keith... he was the extra.

It wasn’t as if it was a split-second decision to leave.

It had been  _ ages _ since he had been disappointing them. In fact, even before he started the Blade of Marmora missions, he hadn’t been good enough.

Too brash, hot-heated, impulsive, reckless to be the leader they wanted—  _ needed _ him to be.

Why would they ever  _ want _ him. No one else did.

He didn’t expect them to be any different. 

It was just his life. Unwanted, creep, freak. No one  _ wanted _ him. They just needed him, to  _ use _ him as a last resort because there was no other option.

* * *

_ “I do not want YOU to lead me ANYWHERE!” _

* * *

He thought he resented the Black Lion a little bit for choosing him. 

Surely Allura— or even  _ Lance _ would have done a better job than  _ Keith Kogane _ . 

Allura had spent ages being their leader, diplomacy, guidance, she knew it all.

Lance was a people person— loathe as he was to admit it, Lance was amazing at encouraging everyone to be their best self. 

Both were intelligent in their own way, and  _ definitely _ more so than Keith. 

They hadn’t been listening to him when he said he wasn’t meant to be the leader before, but now was the right time to tell them.

They would probably be relieved that they have someone better now. 

He would be a little too.

He would be fine. 

And they would be better off without him.

_ Everything would be okay. _

* * *

Keith Kogane was probably the worst Blade in existence. 

Don’t get him wrong, he was confident in his abilities.

He was good at both combat,  _ and _ stealth missions. 

The Blade of Marmora was...  _ simple _ . 

You put the mission above your life, your fellow Blades life, over anything else. 

Everything was  _ trivial _ compared to the goal they needed to achieve. 

Keith was… not the best at that. He could never stop from trying to save everyone onboard, he didn’t really understand why. 

He supposed the thought of someone just left alone to die didn’t sit right with him.

It reminded him too much of his parents. 

Too  _ emotional,  _ they called him. He could almost laugh at that— everyone had always complained about how distant he was, how  _ cold _ , and now he was  _ too much. _

He just couldn’t be  _ enough  _ for once. Ever. 

* * *

Keith didn’t really expect it to happen like this. 

It isn’t surprising, not really, considering how his life has been so far. 

He feels like he should be more angry right now. At fate, at the Galra, at the world, at everyone for not knowing a better way. But mostly he feels tired. 

Mostly he feels like maybe this is for the best. 

They say your life flashes in front of your eyes in your last moments. 

Well, they aren’t wrong. 

He sees some memories, which are more like feelings from too long ago. A kiss on the forehead, hushed whispers and soft hugs. 

But more than that he remembers being punched for being too  _ freaky _ . Fighting back because he hated feeling powerless. Therapists, and more therapists, names he never bothered to remember. Names that didn’t matter because he ended up being sent away anyways. 

He remembers the crimson red of flames and the blood inside his veins, smoke choking his lungs. Asking where his mom is, wondering if it's his fault she left. 

_ “She loved you son.” _

_ “He saved your life. He loved you sweetie.”  _

He remembers thinking that it never stopped them from leaving. He remembers staying quiet. 

Curling up into himself to feel warm in torn clothes and not having enough food. 

Meeting Shiro for the first time, thinking he finally found a place he could belong in. 

_ “Mission failed— pilot error, no bodies found, dead.”  _

Getting expelled, staring eyes, clawing himself at night because those voices saying it's his fault won’t leave. 

Finding Voltron, finding a family,  _ leaving _ .

Keith didn’t really believe in love. He hadn’t been the best at  _ connecting _ with people, but he had found one thing. 

People loved  _ hard _ ,  _ fast _ , and  _ flaming _ . Love was many things. 

Knowing someone who was always there for you, unconditionally supporting. It was sharing snacks together, it was going out on midnight joyrides, screaming at each other but always coming back together, like two orbiting stars stuck in each other's gravitational pull. 

Love was beautiful, love was  _ stupid.  _

It made people irrational, it made them give up everything for this one singular person, and for what? 

But now he knows better. 

Love was real, love was  _ stunning _ . 

He had just never experienced it, how was he supposed to understand?

He now knows that people didn’t just leave because they were bad people. They left because  _ he made them leave.  _

And he left his family because he didn't really know what he'd do if they left him.

Keith Kogane was human. Of course eventually he loved too. It wasn't really his choice to be so far gone for this group of people he had never known for the better part of his life, and he knows he doesn't really deserve them. 

They don't really need him , he's well aware he's not that important. 

Keith doesn't want to die, contrary to popular opinion. 

He's never been a proper paladin, nor a proper Blade. Maybe this will change that, he doesn't know.

* * *

  
  


_ “Maybe not with our weapons.” _

The others sound mostly confused, Matt is yelling at him to stop, but he tunes it all out. 

_ “— I love you,” _ he wants to scream at them once, he didn't do it ever before. 

He wasn't one to believe in regret, but he is sorry for not doing more for them. 

_ “I love you,”  _ he thinks. 

It's still too hard to say. 

Keith is silent. 

**Author's Note:**

> ...sorry? 
> 
> OPEN-ENDED ENDING SO YOU CAN CHOOSE IF HE DIES OR NOT !! 
> 
> as always, criticism and opinions are always appreciated, if u got this far have an amazing day/night wherever you are mwah ily <3


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